Single by choice

Hello everyone,

How was your week? I hope you made some time to find joy in simple things? My week was hectic and I had to force myself to look for a Tintin comic online on Thursday evening because I knew I would have to report myself this weekend.

I did find one and it was his very first story. He was sent to Russia  to report on the ongoings of the communist regime. It was funny but the way he kept escaping every danger was too far fetched for my very adult mind. He sneezes and an iron gate gets unhinged? Lol, I managed to finish it but I'm going to find some other simple joy for next week.

Today I've decided to write about a pet peeve of mine - the undue pressure placed on singles (ladies particularly) in Nigeria and probably all of Africa by family and society.

In my previous church, the pastor typically spoke about and prayed for singles like it was a disease that needed an urgent cure. While I have no doubt that many ladies (especially) would like to be in a relationship that is leading to a walk down the altar at some point in the not too distant future, I feel we really need to recognize that not EVERY single lady desires that.

Relationships and marriage especially aren't a walk in the park. For a woman, you've got to think about potentially giving up on personal desires and goals if they are in not completely "sync able" (pardon the grammar) with whoever you are with. Yes, the ideal is to find someone who allows you to blossom and fulfill your wildest dreams, but even with a very understanding partner, it sometimes just isn't practical.

If your dream job involves late hours, lots of travel, etc for example, it is a potential conflict with caring for a husband and a home, no matter how understanding the man wants to be. And what about submission? Apologies to our dear brothers, but they can be stubborn sometimes, not seeing what we think is so obvious isn't it? But - you have to smile and go along with his plans, all the while praying and begging God on your knees to help him see the error of his way, lol.

In spite of the required compromises and all that, loving relationships are wonderful I agree but I strongly believe we need to accept that not everyone wants to make these compromises and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

As friends and family, we need to be careful about making the default assumption that everyone is desperately looking for a mate. We also need to let our single friends know that it's absolutely okay for them to be single for whatever period they choose to be. 

For those who are single, please make the best of the time. Enjoy it, use the opportunity to serve God like only a single person can. Apostle Paul already told us that a married person has divided loyalties between family and God. You simply can't have the same amount to pray and all that as a married person compared to a single person. We all only have 24 hours and some of those have to spent cultivating the earthly family relationships. Life should be lived to the full at any time but even more so when you free from the responsibilities of a relationship.

Please don't let anyone make you feel inferior or less than complete because you are single. Truth be told, if you feel incomplete as a single person, you aren't  the best candidate for a marriage. Marriage requires two whole people to come together in the divine mathematics that makes 1 + 1 equal to 1. It's not half plus half that make 1 in the divine arrangement.

If you desire to be married and have kids and all that, keep trusting God but don't make it your all consuming goal. If you desire it, God will make it happen but please don't fret about it. Make the most of your time on your own and God will make all things beautiful in Its time.

I once had a idea to run a fellowship for women who choose to be single but I'm not sure I still qualify (lol) but I still think the idea of such a support group/fellowship might be needed in a society such as ours where everyone keeps asking when you will get married once you are above 21. For all I know it may already exist and if it does, I would like to say thank you to whoever has taken up that cause.

Have a lovely weekend and a great week ahead. Next week is special for us on Incredible courage and I'll be posting on Thursday instead of Saturday for that reason.

Stay tuned and keep well. Till then, blessings on you and yours.