Work-Life Balance

Hello Dear Friends,

How was the weekend? I hope it was good and not too busy. And what's your week going to be like? Mine is going to be really busy and I'm seeing myself finishing the work I need to do over the next 3 days as late as 9 pm.

This led me to thinking about work-life balance. This used to be a trending topic back in the day, not sure if it still is. One thing that occurred to me as I was thinking about this is that the question was mostly posed to women. Surely men also need to balance their work and other life? The assumption that keeping the home and kids is the primary responsibility of the women is probably responsible for the question being focused more on women. Men do need to make time for the family as well and I wonder if this is indicative of the fact that some men don't spend as much time as they should with the family? One more thought - why is work being separated form life? Isn't work part of life?

OK, leaving controversy aside, let's talk about the intent of that question. How do we balance all the things we have going on in our life - work (and/or academics), family, friends, church, societal obligations etc?

Reading through Ecclesiastes this morning, i surmised that seasons is the answer. Let me back track a bit. In answering that question in the past I always said its about realizing that at any one time, one thing will take priority but always being careful to regularly rotate the priorities so that all the parts get some measure of priority at different times. So for example, if I've had a particularly long week at work with 9 pm closing times, I should take things back a notch as soon as I can, to rest a bit and spend time with family that was definitely neglected during those 9 pm days or weeks.

So it's not so much about balancing everything equally at the same time, but giving priority to each at different times so that in the grand scheme of things, every part gets relatively fair amount of attention. Notice I was careful not to say equal. Equality might be tough for some but that's what we try to attain. Don't beat yourself down if you don't achieve equality, please. In different seasons the weights will differ.

So back to seasons. This deserves a whole separate post on its own and we'll probably do that next week but I'll just say a few things as it relates to today's topic. In the early years of motherhood for example, that season requires that the children be given a much higher priority as you are laying the foundation for their life. So you find that some women may choose to take relatively easy jobs that allow them to work normal hours and doesn't involve taking work home. I know this isn't always the case. Different circumstances and sometimes personal ambition doesn't always allow family to receive a greater priority during this season. If you can, it's good to give family the priority during this season is all I'd say.

In contrast, for a man, the first few years and maybe decade of work would probably give more priority to work. He would work as hard as he humanly can be because he wants to achieve giant career strides very quickly in anticipation of being able to take things easier by an early age.

When that season ends, the priorities change. A woman may take on bigger challenges, go back to school, reignite a career etc. Family no longer requires as much time because the kids have been grounded and can live relatively independently. Unfortunately, this may be the time the man is looking to take things easy, work smarter, not harder and spend more time with family. Conflicting priorities seem to happen now sometimes, it seems.

What about singles? Children would probably be replaced by friends and societal or church obligations, which are easier to manage. Maybe I should add to that list looking for Mr. or Ms. Right. That's a whole different pressure on its own isn't it? And our African culture ( or is it just Nigerian?) doesn't make it easy at all. The season of single-hood is a perfect time to achieve those career goals very quickly before family enters the equation. I encourage single people to maximize that season and enjoy it.

So, I'm trying to reach a conclusion at this point. Balancing life as a whole is about recognizing that multi-tasking is a myth, in my opinion. You can only really truly do one thing very well, at a singular moment in time. Rather than trying to hold many balls at the same time, give priority to one, do it well and then move on to the next part of life and do that well as well. Hopefully, within any given cycle of time (month, quarter, year) you will have given almost equal attention at different times to the various parts of your life such that in the end, it all balances out.

Now it's time to go face my very long day! Enjoy your day and week and I'll catch you next week. Till then, Blessing on you and yours.

The Lion's Den

It's a lovely morning today and I'm grateful for the privilege of seeing it. How are you doing dear friends? I'm posting a bit later this week because I've been out of broadband range for about 3 days. Interesting how broadband has changed our lives.

Ok! I had said I'd talk about my lions den experience this week. You've probably wondered why I'm titling whatever happened a lion's den. That will become clear shortly.

Someone (I forget who) said "if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything". That's referring to your level of conviction about whatever you believe and how far you are ready to go in defense of that or those belief(s). Daniel, in bible times, believed in Jehovah God and refused to pray or bow to any other strange God. His enemies saw this as a way to get rid of him, knowing that his conviction was strong. He chose to be put in a lion's den than to renounce his belief in his God.

This is similar to what happened to me and that's why I titled the experience after Daniel's. If you've read at least 2 of these posts, you've most likely come to the conclusion that I believe strongly in the God of the bible. I believe His Word is truth and I do my utmost to live by His expressed principles.

My faith in His goodness, sovereignty and love enable me stand strong in the midst of adverse circumstances. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this. Some people mistook a faith in God and a decision to trust him to mean that I was unaffected by circumstances that occurred. They couldn't fathom how I could stay strong in the midst of what traditionally and logically should break me down.

These people chose to persecute me and in essence my faith because of their lack of understanding. I'm thankful to God that, just like Daniel wasn't consumed by the lion, I was delivered from the wickedness of these people. God didn't shame my faith and trust in Him, rather it was strengthened because I saw the way He brought forth deliverance. I was in awe.

The best part of the story is tied to one of my earlier posts - No coincidences. An action I had taken, 4 months earlier, seemingly unnecessary at the time, proved to be the reason I didn't have to stay in the lion's den. I spent 3 nights in the den, but eventually The "king" had to release me because I wasn't consumed. Family and friends made themselves available as vessels of God and I am grateful once again for all they did.

So what's the moral of today's story? God proved Himself faithful once again. I encourage us to maintain our trust in Him, no matter the length of the issue. 1 day, 1 month, 1 year or maybe 1 decade! He comes through and makes all things beautiful in its time. I've heard stories of babies being born after 17 years of waiting! I don't pray such for anyone but per adventure your situation seems delayed, don't give up. Stand for what you believe.

Let's keep trusting friends, He can be relied upon. In closing, I'll write some part of a wonderful song that's blessed me greatly - Oceans by Hillsong. 

"Your Grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me,

You've never failed and you won't start now"

I"ll catch up with you again next week. I have a topic in mind but am betwixt two as to whether that's what I should talk about. So, no hints today - I'm waiting just as you are to know what Direction the wind will blow.

Till then, Blessings on you and yours.

Living without Regrets - Decisions II

It's that time of the week again my dear friends. I hope you had a productive last week and are ensuring that this week counts towards your purpose.

I'm picking up my thoughts this week from a point I started on last week i.e. After you've made a decision. At various times I get asked the question - do you regret this or that? My response is quite standard - No, I'm living my best life now!

Why do I say so? I don't believe in living with regret. I learn from the past - yes and do my very best to ensure I take right decisions for the future. However, when I'm living the reality of my present, I make the very best of it. Sometimes it's easier to make the best of a situation because it is a good situation! At other times, you may almost need to wind yourself up to see the silver lining in the dark cloud, but look for it you simply MUST.

What, my friends is the point of looking back and asking what would it have been like if I had gone left instead of right? Lived in Abuja instead of Lagos? Studied Medicine instead of Engineering? Would I have been happier married to Mr. or Miss. X and not Mr./Mrs. Present husband/wife? Had 2 children instead of 4?  Or for that matter, remained single instead of marrying? Where you can't turn back the clock, you need to figure out a way to make the present work.

I mentioned in Part 1 that God makes all things work together for our good. That is the first indicator to me that God doesn't expect us to live in regrets and "I wish". You can always find something good in ANY situation if you choose to look hard enough. Of course remember we are talking about your life. Where other parties are involved it's not only up to you but you've got to satisfy your conscience and do all you can to make the present work out. If others don't put in the same effort you can't be entirely blamed for the outcome. 

Making a not so palatable situation work requires effort no doubt but we have help. We have someone we can always run to, to guide us in the midst of the doubts. Determination, courage, consistency in action, all these are tools we need. Don't let fear and self doubt hold you back. Don't let the devil condemn and tell you you didn't get it right before so you're done for. Mama Joyce Meyer said " Courage is fear that has said its prayers and thereafter decides to move forward".

We've got to rise up and get back on our feet and walk again. Choose to enjoy your present. Choose to live your best life now. CHOOSE! The power is in your hands and your head and your heart. You've got to align all 3. Convince yourself anyway you need to, that the present is the best you can have now and enjoy it. 

See obstacles as opportunities. There may be times when obstacles are a pointer to the fact that this isn't the right way, but you've got to explore the options first before you come to that conclusion unless there is some compelling fact that makes it clear there's no way in that direction. Don't give up too easily.

It is important however to know when it's time to exit a particular decision. When you've given your all and it doesn't work out, cut your losses and exit the stage, but still without regrets. Be glad for the time you had on that decision but move on and forward to the next stage. This could be as tough as closing a business after several years of nurturing or as simple as selling a stock that's totally non-performing. This implies that you must have regular times to review your decisions and evaluate the rest of the plan.

For the future, work on improving, going from good to great, better to best. Notice I didn't say bad to good, it's about your mindset. Make each day count, you're not going to be able to redo it. Live every moment as though it might be the last and don't postpone till tomorrow what you can accomplish today. Take small steps if need be, but take steps. 

I don't drink alcohol, but I agree with Mr. Johnnie Walker - you've got to keep walking - forward. Don't look back my friends, other than to have a review, take the lessons learnt and quickly move on.

It's a great week already! Enjoy it. I look forward to catching up with you again next week. I mentioned a lions den experience in my very first post. We'll talk about that next week.

Till then, Blessings on you and yours. 

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions - Part 1

Hello Friends,

How's your week coming? It's been a busy week for me.One of the things I've been pondering on this past week is the process and impact of decision making.

I recall a song, Generations by Sara Groves where she talks about the results of the choice that Eve made in taking that fruit. More importantly, she talks about the fact that if she had been standing by that tree she likely wouldn't have done any differently. She asks us to remind ourselves that the decisions we make impact not just ourselves but generations after us. Saying the devil made me do is a cop out and a lie. The power still lies on our hands.

I have made this post a part one because there's quite a bit to explore and I don't want to make an individual post too long. Reminds me of Nollywood, lol. But, I digress. We make decisions every single moment, some weightier than others. I made a decision 8 months ago which I will talk about much later but suffice to say for now that the decision is being questioned by a few people. Well meaning friends and family are saying they think it's a wrong decision. I'm convinced it's not and the debate goes on.

I've been thinking about the decision making process. What guides us? Really, how do we know a decision is right or wrong? A tree is known by its fruit and in hindsight one can say this was spot on or totally off but what happens before you see the finished product?

 First thing definitely is seeking God's counsel. A major desire bubbles up and we aren't sure what the long term impact of that desire would be. In going before God, the first requirement is patience. In order to be able to discern what God is saying vs our desire, we need time and patience. At the end of the day, peace is one thing that settles the question for me. Do I have peace when I think about the decision or do I have a disquiet inside? 

Spending time in God's presence, in fellowship, worshiping, studying His Word helps to percolate our thoughts similar to the way my non-instant coffee drinking friends like their coffee made. Instant coffee I'm told doesn't taste the same, similarly, instant decisions shouldn't be made for weighty matters. Never allow any one to pressure you into making a decision. At a minimum, sleep over any significant decision, even if you have to sleep during the day. By the way, God's will isn't always contrary to ours. If we spend enough time with Him, our thoughts will be more and more in alignment with His, ab initio.

Information and knowledge is also key. We should seek as much information as possible to "inform" the decision being taken. The Holy Writ says "in the multitude of counsel there is safety". Where you feel the need, there's nothing wrong with seeking counsel but My preference is to seek counsel after I have a reasonable idea of what I think the decision is. There will always be differing views on any topic. If you don't have a reasonable idea of what you think, you may end up being confused by counsel. God help you if the most persuasive person gives you wrong counsel. God has been known to confirm His Word by the mouth of other witnesses on many occasions but it must resonate with you either way.

Openness and the readiness to admit we don't know it all is also key. As persuaded as you may be about a decision, where valid reasons are given by others it should be a pointer to reexamine the basis of the decision. You may still arrive at the same point at the end of the day but it allows you to double check your thinking.

In closing out this post, let me emphasize that because a decision is right doesn't mean it will automatically work out right. Execution is also key and if we bungle up on execution, the best decisions can become terrible. Likewise, (sometimes) a bad decision can turn out near right if we executive almost flawlessly. 

Don't be afraid of making the wrong decision either. We won't always get it right but I always remember God's promise that "All things work together for our good, because we love Him and are the called according to His purpose". Don't stay too long in the place of decision making. At some point, you need to launch out in faith and trust God to work it out. Again, deciding when it's time to move is your call but when you can't seem to make any further progress in determining whether you're are right or wrong, it's probably time to launch out. Bible says the steps of the righteous are ordered of the Lord. In the process of execution, you can always tweak what you are doing. If the decision ends up being wrong, He can help to turn it around. Calculated action is way better than paralyzed inaction.

Finally, there is a decision every person needs to make, sooner than later. A relationship with God has been the assumption behind my thoughts today. I know this isn't the case with everyone reading this. If you don't have a personal relationship with God yet, I urge you to consider giving Him control of your life. That's the starting point. Call on Jesus and He will make Himself known to you.

My thoughts seem to have been a bit of a jumble today. In spite of that, I trust God will use this to speak to someone. I had to eat my own dog food - writing these jumbled thoughts is way better than writing nothing because I couldn't decide the boundaries of my part 1 thoughts.

Have a great rest of the week everyone. Be a blessing and I pray Blessings on you and yours!