Define Your Normal

It's not too late to wish us a Merry Christmas, is it? It's the Christmas season, so Merry Christmas!

Today is the 4-week anniversary of a surgery I had and I wanted to share a few thoughts around that which I believe are useful for the coming year. It's interesting what God uses to teach sometimes. So! I had a major surgery on November 29th and the way that worked out is a whole story on its own. The timing couldn't have been better but honestly, that's only in retrospect. It was all God.

I had a standing appointment with my doctor which I had been postponing for like 3 months. The day I ticked off what was the last major item on my work To Do list, I said to my self - Tomorrow is the day! No more postponement. Long story short, I saw the doctor, he says we need to do this and can we do it in 10 days? I'm like 10 days? Who prepares for a surgery in 10 days? None the less we start the process and everything is approved and ready for the D-Day. D-Day was perfect because it was towards the end of the year. I could take sick leave without feeling guilty (yea - I like work too much, I know).

Now to the main story of the last half year (gosh it's been that long I blogged last).

My family and some friends who knew, told me what was normal and expected of someone who just did the kind of surgery I did. I think deep down in their hearts they knew this lady won't do the normal things but they tried and hoped against hope that I would listen to reason. Of course, I didn't. Those who know me know I'm the least conventional person on the planet.

The first 24 hours after, I was in and out of sleep. I've never slept that much in a continuous space of time in my life. Oh, did I mention it was my first surgery ever? Within 48 hours, I was up and taking strolls on the hour along the hospital corridor. The nurses wondered who this lady walking around was and when one of them saw me on my bed sometime after, she was amazed that I was the same person who had surgery 48 hours ago.

A week later I spent 2 days at work - first day doing 2 presentations and conducting one election. Second day, I sat in a strategy session all day and party in the evening. A week later, I went on a scheduled trip. Now, I'm not trying to paint a picture of a super woman. My mobility was greatly reduced. I couldn't sit straight and had to sit at an angle and I couldn't drive. But, I walked around, cooked my own food and did minimal office work. 

What was I doing? I was defining my own Normal. I wasn't going to limit myself to what the usual practice was. I was sensible, in that I listened to my body and took appropriate rests, didn't strain or bend but I stretched the limits of what was possible. I refused to be an invalid. 2 weeks later, during one of my rest breaks I browsed the web for what some other climes considered normal for my situation and I found that my own Normal was actually in line with the UK at least. So I wasn't as crazy as I thought I was being.

So, what's the point of all this? Don't feel constrained to go by the normal that your environment dictates to you. Stretch the limits of your environment and yourself but listen to you - your spirit, soul and body. If you take the time to listen to yourself, you should not act foolishly. Go beyond your comfort zone within reasonable limits as dictated by your innermost self.

If you believe the Bible, take a look at Romans 12:2. This is the message I believe I am trying to pass:

"Be not conformed to this world, but be renewed by the transforming of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect will of God".

By staying in tune with God through His Word, you can define your normal, which would not necessarily follow what the world considers normal. In doing that, you will prove that God is at work in you, both willing and doing His perfect will.

In 3 weeks, I was fully healed and this I knew because I could now sit straight. I could sleep on my side. The discomfort was gone. Again, my body told me - We are back! I didn't lose 3 weeks of my life to the old normal. I was able to still achieve all I needed to, because I embraced my own normal. Oh yes, I sought and took help where I needed to, but I continued living. The usual timing given to be healed is 4 to 6 weeks. I believe stretching my body and letting it know we weren't going to play dead aided the quick recovery. At this point I should also say a big thank you to my doctor and surgeon who was a very willing tool in God's hand. Thank you Sir!

Friends, in 2017 define your own normal. Whether at work, emotionally, family wise, business, whatever it is. Don't go with the flow and what everyone else says it should be. Set your goals and go for it!

Happy New year in advance.
In Him we live and move and have our being.

Valedictory Service

Wow! How time has just flown past! I clocked the one year mark in my new job two weeks ago and I couldn't believe it was one year already.

I woke up this Saturday morning, taking my time since I didn't have to go to work and had no compelling program, absolutely nothing, to do till evening. All I needed to do could be done at home and I intended to enjoy this rare time. That is a rare occurrence honestly and the rareness of that is one of the reasons I haven't been able to write on this blog in the past six months and only write sporadically in the six months before that.

My MBA graduation comes up on Thursday. Thinking towards that, I marveled at the goodness of God. I started my MBA program 16 days after the father of my children, my late husband passed on. My family didn't think it was a good decision to embark on the program but I felt, after much thought and prayer that it would be one way to ensure I didn't lose it as my new life as a widow with significant responsibilities unfolded. How right I was! How glad I am that I took that decision.

Friends, the devil roams about, the Bible says, seeking whom he may devour. Idle time is an opening for him. I really wish I could be someone who does her best work when there is little else to do. I am not. If I have only one thing to do in 24 hours, most likely I won't complete that one task. However, if I have 3 or 4 things to do, and I have to juggle balls, I am very likely to accomplish at least 75% of what I needed to do. Such is my lot and I have accepted it. To thine own self be true.

The MBA program gave me the focus to stay sane. It was the challenge and motivation I needed as all the Nollywood-worthy drama from out-laws and in-laws played out, as different responsibilities right, left and center pulled at me. Honestly, in hindsight, it was a major tool in God's hands that He used to keep me steady and always moving forward.

As I walk up to that stage on Thursday July 7th, to receive my certificate, I will be walking towards Part 3 of my story. For some as-yet-unknown reason, I sense that this July marks another turning point in my walk towards fulfillment of destiny and Purpose. I don't know what Part 3 entails but I am sure I will find out soon enough. I am also sure it will be super glorious. I will not only be receiving a Masters In Business Administration, but also a Masters in Living Life! I may not undertake a PhD anytime soon, but I am surely on the path towards a PhD in life and living. 

A number of people have asked why I stopped blogging. I gave one reason earlier on. Another, perhaps more pertinent reason is that I believe Incredible Courage has fulfilled its purpose from my side. Cyberspace is a wonderful place because it allows us to keep things alive in perpetuity. When I logged in today, I was surprised to find that though I hadn't written anything in the last six months, 85 people had read one article or the other on Incredible Courage in the last four weeks. That further convinces me that even though this will be my last post (as far as my eyes can see), Incredible Courage continues to live and to bless those that God needs it to bless, even after I also change addresses, in another 50 years to come, if Jesus tarries.

So, while I will not be the valedictorian on Thursday, I am giving my valedictory speech via Incredible Courage. Whenever anyone reads any of the 47 posts on this blog, I pray it continues to bless, inspire and encourage. Wherever God leads me as far as writing is concerned, Incredible Courage stands as a testimony to the power of Courage, under pinned by a God who is faithful and has a purpose for every minute of our life.

I leave you with a song that expressed my heart to God this morning as I walked - You are Sovereign by Aaron Keyes. Particularly, he says:

" What the enemy meant for evil, God turned it for our good,
   His plan is still to prosper,
   He is Faithful forever,
   Perfect in love,
   He is Sovereign over Us"

Blessings on You and Yours,

Bunmi Oke-Afolabi

Trust God... And Do Good

Wow, one month of the year is almost gone. Trust God and Do Good, that been a recurring word from Joyce Meyer this week. This video echoes that and reminds us that Virtue is its own reward. Gratification isn't always financial.

Joyce encourages us to trust God no matter our circumstances, and while waiting for our change to come as the Bible says, to keep on doing good. As the Bible says, If we continue to do good and do not faint, in due season we will reap.

Enjoy the rest of your week, friends.

Blessings on you and yours...

The Choice

Teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom - a popular verse from the Holy Writ. It's a year today that Incredible Courage was birthed and I thought it's a good time to reflect, especially as it coincides with the end of a regular year.

A year ago, it was about pouring out my heart to share my journey in my new status. Very quickly, the mission was modified to sharing my life as a whole. The vision didn't change - to enable others draw courage to preserve in life's journey, in spite of any challenges by drawing hope and inspiration from someone like them, who's been there, is there and by God's grace and mercy keeps rising no matter how many times she gets sidetracked or falls.

Thinking back over the past year, a few words come to mind in trying to summarize the year. One of them is Choice. Others are Proactivity. Wisdom.

It's always about the choices we make, isn't it? We can't always control the circumstances that come our way but we can and must be deliberate about the choices we make. Choice requires thought. It also connotes deliberate action. Even doing nothing takes a process of evaluating the options, and deciding nothing is the best thing to do.

We shouldn't be reactionary all the time either. We need to anticipate and make plans for various scenarios that we envisage so that we can act, rather than react in our circumstances. We need to try to shape our circumstances by the seeds we plant and the advance actions we take. It's impossible to make perfect plans, but we must still plan. Failing to plan as they say, is planning to fail. Chess is a great game for strategy. Anticipating several moves ahead and positioning are key skills everyone needs.

Wisdom is the ability to determine the appropriate action to take in any situation. A lot of it comes from knowledge and experience, but I've found that inspiration, or instinct is vital as well. That inspiration comes from God, if you are one that looks to Him for daily help and guidance. I have found it invaluable and certainly couldn't have made it this far without His help.

Looking ahead to the coming year, I've decided what my focus areas are. They aren't new, just areas that need to be improved upon and deciding to chase those improvements with more determination. What are you focusing on for 2016? What are your burning issues? Those same three words that summarize 2015 will be needed in 2016.

There's really no new strategy, it's the choice and application of appropriate strategy that's crucial. Action, implementation, both doing words - verbs. For us in Nigeria particularly, it will be a year in which we need to be creative and really think more proactively within the box as well as without. Tough times are ahead no doubt, but we will find a way to rise above and make the best of the year. Some things will  need to be scaled up while others will need to be scaled down.

I am grateful for all that has happened this year - good and bad. The good, obviously because it was good. The bad, because it taught me lessons, revealed to me things I wasn't fully aware of in some cases but overall I also realize that what I saw as bad still was used in the grand scheme of things to keep me on the path of purpose.

God has truly been good and I can't express my gratitude enough. To fulfill purpose is my heart's cry. I can't echo that enough. I intend to make each day count, so help me God. There are things I've neglected because I just couldn't fit them into 24 hours. I can pick them up now because some other things have ended, thus making room for those neglected items.

2016 represents an opportunity to reset and start some things afresh. New commitments, new decisions. A renewed commitment to those things that will continue from this year. Here's wishing everyone a wonderful new year that takes you further in the fulfillment of purpose.

See you in 2016! Blessings on you and yours.

Causality

Causality, defined as the relationship between cause and effect is a word I heard for the first time (to my recollection) in one of my MBA classes.

The MBA, a journey that started on January 15th, 2014 is finally over. One of the major things we did as part of our assessments were reflections and one member of my cohort said she doesn't want to do any more reflections in the foreseeable future. I rather tend to agree with her but I think I need to do one last reflection, lol. 

December 2015 features Bunmi v2. I am a much-improved version of myself, both in thinking and some action. The action hasn't completely caught up with the thinking, but we are getting there. Whether v2 is completely, 100%, directly as a result of the MBA is arguable, but no doubt it has contributed.

I'm thinking about causality as I reflect upon Bunmi v2. A lot has happened in the last 2 years. My family wasn't sure I could take the rigour of starting an MBA 2 weeks after I was widowed but I was willing to give it a shot. They probably secretly thought I had gone bonkers, lol.

I certainly couldn't have done it all on my own, I owe a lot to my learning team and my family and friends who supported me in various ways in the course of the 2 years. Most importantly, I owe the biggest gratitude to the Triune God - my dear friend, the precious Holy Spirit, my wonderful Father and unseen husband, God the Father and my precious saviour, Jesus the Son, who made it possible for me to become a part of spiritual Israel.  

Leadership and self-awareness were a major focus of my MBA programme. A change in career direction was also a major goal. A fresh perspective and new insights were things I hoped for. An international network and exposure to a different culture were key requirements. I am glad to say 100% of those goals were achieved.

Our lifes are the sum of many parts. I completely believe that everything that happens to us leaves a mark and affects us in some way - this isn't particularly profound. That being so, it means we need to be very deliberate in our actions, taking the time to weigh many things before a decision is taken. We need to control as much as possible, that which we can because there is already so much outside our control. I have said in one of my posts on decision making that I never take a decision without sleeping on it, not always literally, but simply that I will usually not say Yes or No without thinking through. Ah - yes, my MBTI profile did confirm that I am a thinking person.

Our experiences affect us to varying levels, unlike statistics, where some function may not necessarily affect another parameter. We must think before we act. We must think not just about the effect on us directly, but also the ripple effect on everyone that is connected to us - family, friends and professional associates. We are part of an intricate web and  there is an effect for every cause. There's no running away from that.

Coming back to Bunmi v2, am I advocating for everyone to go do an MBA? Heavens, No! But if you think it might facilitate your career and life prospects, I would say explore it. It certainly made a difference for me.

Enjoy your weekend and be good. 

Blessings on you and yours.

C'est La Vie!

The last couple of days, I've been at an emotional low. Life can be hard or perhaps shall we call it unfair sometimes isn't? You put in so much effort and at the end, it doesn't give the desired yield. Yea, Life is hard, but such is life!

I've just read through one of my previous posts - Pressing Forward (http://www.incredible-courage.com/2015/08/pressing-forward.html) before writing this. I used it to encourage myself. When things get rough, the tough get going. I've used the "Call a Friend" card also. Thank God He's given me a wonderful crop of friends who help me at varying points of need.

When one door closes, we feel like we lost something. I want to believe it's a way of getting us to look around and see the other doors God wants to take us through. During one of my MBA courses, we did the selective attention test (see video insert).

Selective Attention Test - Copyright 1999, Daniel J. Simons

It is widely used to show how much we miss when we focus on a single item. Thinking about that test again, I am encouraged that there's a gorilla of fortune that I've probably overlooked all this while because I was focussed on this other thing. The best is surely yet to come!

Recently I had cause to tell a friend that God has her back. I'm telling myself the same thing. God's got my back, and as my people say - One with God is majority.

C'est Fini!

I'll leave you with a song from many many years back -  C'est la vie Papa by Vicky Leandros

Blessings on you and yours. Have a great week.

So Earthly Minded?

Hi Everyone,

Now it has really been a loooooong time. I have been really busy but I thought I'd share something from someone I've followed for many years and who I believe has a unique ministry - Jeff Larson. His ministry is sharing life's issues and God's word using cartoons. I hope you enjoy this one, and if so, please visit his page - www.the backpew.com. Have a wonderful rest of the week. Blessings on you and yours.

I like the old saying ‘That fella is so Heavenly minded, they are no Earthly good.’ This describes a person that is so into church and ‘churchy’ things that they don’t add much value or function outside of church walls. 

Over the years, I have smirked at a person or twenty that fits that description, BUT I have come to believe the bigger problem today is that too many people are too EARTHLY minded to be much HEAVENLY GOOD. 

It's just too easy to be caught up in this pace and 'stuff' of life (good and bad) to where God is put on the back burner.  Instead of starting my day quiet before God, reading my Bible, and prayerful I often clutter my life with the very real demands of work, family, rush hour traffic, and.. maybe what is on the TV and become simply more EARTHLY MINDED than HEAVENLY GOOD.

The real irony is - When I drift from God is NOT when I am too busy or stressed but instead when life is going well. No immediate worries or concerns so I relax my dependence, praise and appreciation of God to again become so earthly minded.

---

So while I don’t want my life to look as out of place as an Amish folk high rollin' in Las Vegas, I do want my spirit, and life to start and end with God. A place where my personal faith shows through in all that I do and say.

May God bless each of you this day and always with a life in love with God, and a life where God is not fit in around the details of the day.  May this be a life blessed and USED by God in ways that have both Heaven and Earth in mind.

Jeff

A Good Name

I had an experience recently that made me think about names and reputation. What am I known for? What associations come to mind when people think about me?

On a trip out of the country recently, I was stopped by an officer responsible for checking money laundering at the airport. As usual, he asked how much I had on me and I told him I wasn't carrying cash as I spend electronic money. The next question was "Where do You work?" I told him and he immediately asked me to go and continue my journey. He then turned to his colleague and told him "Na xyz people, nothing go comot from her hand", xyz being an individual that is closely associated with my place of work. Translated into proper English, his comment was that I wasn't going to give any money to them because of the person he associates my place of work with. 

My place of work is noted for being ethical and that message is a central theme in all we do. It was heart warming to me, that even a customs officer associated us with ethical dealings. That's how I got thinking about the value of a good name. 

That association saved me from the usual back and forth conversation that would have occurred as the customs officer normally would have tried to question me in an attempt to make me give them some money just to be on my way. If he sees me any other time going forward, he probably would not even bother stopping me. That's part of the power and value of a good name.

So, back to my question - What are you known for? What can people say about you? What's your brand? Branding is so valuable, we all know it. Many sports personalities earn money, even after retirement through endorsements as companies pay them to associate with their products, knowing that people would be more disposed to patronising them if they believe that this person also uses this product. In reality, we know that most people that endorse many products probably never use them, but just associating the product with their brand gives the product a big market boost. Recently, a company's shares became hot cake on the market because Oprah Winfrey bought a stake in it and joined its board. 

While we won't all become famous athletes or talk show hosts able to command millions in endorsement earnings, we can create a name and a brand for ourselves that speaks of good, ethical and an honest character. We can be the shining light in our little circle. We can be the candle that shines on darkness and attempts to light other people's candles and convince them to stand on the side of right and good. Many people have gotten great jobs, just because someone recommended them and said, call so and so, he or she will do a great job.

We should make our stand known as godly people, who do right, not because anyone is looking, but because we honor our maker, who sees in secret and rewards openly. We should stand on the side of right, not for the reward but for our conviction. 

We all have a name. We all have a reputation, whether we are deliberating seeking one or not. The question is - what are we known for? Be known for the right things. Be known as the person who can always be counted upon to do his or her work well, on time, proactively. Be known as the person who provides a listening ear to someone in need of one. Be known as the person is never late to a meeting. Be known as the peace maker. Choose what you want to be known for and make it known.

Have a great rest of the week. Blessings on you and yours,  

Forthrightness

Hi Friends,

As I thought about what to caption my thoughts for this week, forthrightness is the word that came to mind. I checked it in the dictionary and it means being straight forward, explicit or direct.

I have been aware for a long time that most people can't stand the truth being told to them to their faces and for this reason other people respond by not being completely honest about their true feelings or thoughts. It's also not considered politically correct or polite to tell someone for example - that they aren't looking good because we don't want to hurt their feelings. When asked to do something for someone, even when it's not possible or convenient, we pretend that we would do it knowing fully well that it's not going to happen. Or sometimes we invent stories that really don't make sense but are plausible enough to placate our audience and not make them feel bad about our indirect rejection or refusal.

The above facts were reiterated to me recently. I don't blame the other party for the reasons stated above. It's just not normal practice. Unfortunately for me, that's not my way. I'm an open book. A close friend has mentioned and I think a few others probably think the same but for the same reasons stated above have never said it, that my writings are too personal and reveal too much. I don't know how to do otherwise. It's either I don't write, or I write openly. If a topic is too personal to be open about, I don't write about it all.

I tell it as it is or I don't talk at all. If I say I will do something, you can bet your bottom dollar I will break my back to do that very thing. Experience should have taught me otherwise, but perhaps some things are too ingrained. I'm reminding myself this week to always remember that not everyone is like me and to take people's actions and words in the light of paragraph 2 rather than the way I would act. Taking people at their words and expecting them to be forthright cost me a lot in time and energy which I would have preferred not to have wasted.

I won't write more than this simply because I am realistic enough to know I can't change something as ingrained as what I have described above. The lesson for me is to remember this in my dealings with people. Take people's words with a pinch, read between the lines and realize they are probably doing the same for me and let them know that doesn't apply to me. I'm also feeling a bit low emotionally so I really just want to stop here.

Have a great weekend and a wonderful work week. 

Blessings on you and yours,

The Seeing Eye

This title probably sounds like tautology, but it is possible to have eyes that are open but don't see. There is a blindness of the mind and/or Spirit. There are also degrees of sight. 20/20 vision typically comes from hindsight, but people have various degrees of sight, from the absolutely can't see without glasses to the I can manage type.

I'm not looking to talk about optometry today. What I have on my mind is people with keen minds who examine every situation looking to find opportunity, however "needle in the haystack" little it might be.

I got thinking about this during the week when I happened to catch a few minutes of a radio program in the car on my way somewhere. Currently in Nigeria, foreign exchange cash is almost taboo because the banks aren't dealing in cash at the moment. Some guy, realizing that more than ever before, people now have to use formal channels - letters of credit etc, is organizing training on that and he came on the radio to advertise it.

I think Nigerians are especially good at spotting opportunities, especially my good friends from the East. In fact, I was reading on some blog the other day 55 facts about Nigeria. One of those facts is that there is at least one Nigerian from the eastern part in every country of the world. It's very believable because they have an anointing for enterprise.

Applying this to myself, I thought about how I view life and situations. Am I constantly on the lookout to see what opportunity I can draw out from any situation around me? I ask the same of you. No matter how you and I answer this question, the real answer is that we can probably do more.

I told myself that I need to cultivate that habit and attitude of always consciously looking for the proverbial silver lining in every sky. It doesn't have to be a cloud. Even when the skies are clear, there must be something more I can draw from it. That is actually the lesson for me today. I shouldn't just look for opportunities when there are clouds around. I should look for more and deeper opportunities even when all seems to be going well and life is honky dory. The truth is - there's always more to be mined. It's a matter of attitude and perspective. 

Let me quickly state here that isn't a call to greed. It's a call to be like our Father, who, each day of creation was convinced what He had done was good. But! He knew He could do more and kept on till He attained what He believed to be the epitome of his creation and then He rested.

The fact is - we can never see the entire picture in one day or one sitting. The more we work, the wider we then see and new avenues reveal themselves and we need to keep exploring till we get to the very end. More work is the reward for hard work.

Have a wonderful week, dear friends. My wonderful mum added a glorious year yesterday and I bless God for the special blessing He gave our family in my mother. I will write a tribute to her next week if you'll bear with me. The time to appreciate her is now, not at some point many years down the line when I can't share that appreciation with her.

Show love this week. Blessings on you and yours. 

Enjoy your week!